Dumb and Dumber

DUMB AND DUMBER QUOTES

They always freak out when you leave the scene of an accident.

I just got robbed by a sweet old lady on a motorized cart.

Yeah, but what if he shot you in the head?

We got no food, we got no job, our pets' heads are falling off!

Senior citizens, although slow and dangerous behind the wheel really can serve a purpose.

If I know her as well as I think I do, she'll invite us right in for tea and strumpets.

You sold my dead bird to a blind kid!

What are the chances of a guy like you and a girl like me....ending up together? Straight out, flat out, I came a long way to see you and you marry and the least you can do is level with me [...] Not good [...] Not good... Like 1 out of 100 ... More like 1 out of 1,000,000 ...
So you're tellin me theres a chance?! Yeah!!!

Husband?! What was all that one in a million talk?!

Spilling the salt is very bad luck. We're driving across the country, the last thing we need is bad luck.

A TAD? A TAD, LLOYD? YOU DROVE A SIXTH OF THE WAY ACROSS THE COUNTRY IN THE WRONG DIRECTION!!

That's as good as money, sir. Those are I.O.U.'s.

Wait - hold on... I think I have a...yep, yep, I have an idea.

His head fell off. Yeah, he was pretty old.

- I expected the rocky mountains to be a little rockier than this.
- Me too. That John Denver's fulla shit, man!

Are you going to eat that?!

Just tell it to me, I've got a really good memory.

It's the shaggin' wagon, chicks dig it

Give it to me you pumpkin pie-hair cutted-freak!

- A philly break your heart?
- No, it was a girl...Freda Feltcher
- FREDA FELTCHER?!
- Yeah, you know her?
- YEAH... well, I remember you talking about her.
- I thought we were going to stay together forever, 'bout a week later she calls me up and gives all this crap about not listenin' or something... I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention.

You wanna hear the most annoying sound in the world?

There are a lot of jobs in this town, if you want to work 40 hours a week.

- Excuse me,...what's the soup d'jour?
- It's the soup of the day
- UMMMM.. that sounds good, I'll have that.

We don't have enough money to sleep.

That's a lovely accent...New Jersey?

Slappy, Sammy, Sss....Samsonite. I was WAY off.

Ok, Ok... stop, you're kissing me!

- Wait a minute!! Maybe she meant to meet her at ten o'clock at NIGHT.
- Ya think?
- Yeah, why would she have you meet her in a bar at ten o'clock in the morning?
- I dunno, I just figured she was a raging alcoholic.

Just when I think you couldn't possibly be any dumber, you go and do something like this...AND TOTALLY REDEEM YOURSELF!!

- Nice skis!
- Thanks
- They yours?
- Uh-huh
- Both of 'em?
- Yeah
- Cool!

Now we don't even know who these guys are, you don't kill people you don't know, that's a rule!

- We've got to get out of this town!
- And go where? Where are we going to go?
- I'll tell you where, some place warm, some place where the beer flows like wine, where the beautiful women instinctively flock like the salmon of Capastano....I'm talking about a little place called AS-PEN.
- I don't know Llyod, the French are assholes.

We landed on the moon! Alright!!

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